November 24, 2009

Mini Meltdown

So last night it hit me. As I watched Alexa play and walk around the house with a huge smile on her face. And my home was filled with the playful banter of children and giggles. My heart was just so happy and content for our seemingly happy little ordinary life. But as soon as I felt that joy begin to swell my heart, I was stabbed with the realization of what the near future holds for my precious little daughter, open heart surgery. This surgery looms in our horizon like an ugly dreaded storm. She holds no fault in needing to face such a grave surgery. She did not choose this disease. Unfortunately this disease chose her, my innocent, playful, jovial, always smiling, easy going Alexa. I was happily sitting on the floor playing with her, when I suddenly collapsed to the floor in tears. My sweet doll, how I wish to take this from you. How I wish to be powerful enough to change your fate. Alexa reached for me as I lay on the ground and so I lifted my face and she saw me in tears, she looked intently into my eyes, as I see it is the first time she notices me crying. She tracked my tears with her finger down my cheek. Then she leaned into me and gave me a sloppy kiss and then hug. She knew I was hurt. And as much as I don't like her to see me that way, it felt good knowing that she cared and tried to make me better. I only hope I can do the same for her when the time comes.

November 22, 2009

Blogger Award and future update

Just want to say a quick thanks to Stefenie from When Life Hands You a Broken Heart Blog for awarding me with the Heartfelt Blogger Award! The Heartfelt Blogger Award is awarded to the blogs that make us feel all comfy or warm inside when we read them. Stefenie's son also shares a very similar diagnosis as Alexa so I really love keeping up with her family.

Here are the rules for this award...

1) Display the award logo
2) Nominate up to 9 blogs that make you feel comfy or warm inside
3) Link to your Nominees and leave a comment on their blog telling them about the award.
4) Link to the person whom you received the award

There are so many blogs that I enjoy reading that are in my heart friends list and/or that I follow. I don't like playing favorites but in the spirit of sharing some amazing blogs with you I will share just a few with you (listed in random order).

1 ~
Living for Eden, for the beautiful strength, testimony and will to live of a father living for his daughter Eden, after battling a life time of CHD and ultimately a heart transplant.
2 ~ The Duncans, for Melissa's strength and honesty in writing about the loss of her precious son Caleb to CHD and coping with life after.
3 ~ The Nie Nie Dialogues, for Stephanie's celebration of motherhood, womanhood and strength to go on after surviving a tragic place accident that changed her life forever.
4 ~ The Kurz Family, for Josie's love and devotion to her two precious little girls, one also battling Alexa's same CHD.
5 ~ Moments With Moriah, for this amazing little girl who after nearly two years in the hospital has yet to know what home looks like and has endured more than any child I know and is always smiling and her amazing parents enduring hope.
6 ~ Lauren's Heart, for this special, strong and intelligent young woman who tells her story of growing up with CHD and her insight into personally living with this disease.
7 ~ CJane Enjoy It, for this momma sharing her quirky sense of humor of life and mothering and growing up in a large family in a home with four seasons.
Okay it's 1 am so I really have to stop now. So many inspire me to keep moving forward through joys and pains losses and gains. I am glad that my blog does the same for some of you or at least Stefenie. Thanks again. ;)
 an update a little later.
Alexa had a cardiology appointment last Friday November 20th, so I will post

November 16, 2009

A dreaded call to 911 & new mail lady in the neighborhood

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Okay many of you know about the 911 call because I posted about it on facebook but I still want to update here for the sake of conserving an accurate historical account of the facts.

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, my girls were/are sick. Alexa has never really been sick at all since bringing her home from the hospital, that's a little over year with nothing serious. Which has been wonderful and a true blessing! Oh and lot's of diligent work like hand washing, hand sanitizer, staying away from public places (as much as possible) and knowingly sick people, etc. But alas, with older children in school it is impossible to not have 'bugs' enter our home. So Yazzy came down with a cold, very runny nose, and sneezing, turned to coughing, low grade fever, only one night she the fever spiked 102. She does not like to be in her room alone, the face mask I bought her fit her big, and so she didn't feel terribly bad so she wandered around the house more than I would have liked. Needless to say, Alexa then came down, with a low grade fever, and some head congestion, then on early Friday morning, 1 a.m. to be exact, I had to make the call that being a heart momma I had always dreaded. Docs always warned me that getting sick for Alexa could prove to be very dangerous. She could get into serious trouble right away. That night she was very congested but managed to fall asleep after a while of fussiness. I had two humidifiers going in the house, one for each child, but still Alexa woke up gasping for air. She couldn't breathe, she kept trying to catch her breath but it wasn't happening. I could tell she was feeling panicked as was I. I woke up my husband, who was also feeling sick, and then I called 911. They were here relatively quickly. I had to explain all of Alexa's medical history. Called the cardiologist and we were on our way to the Children's ER. They gave Alexa a small dose of extra oxygen along the way. She was laying on my chest and I was propped on the gurney as we drove away and into an uncertain future. I worried about what we would be told as we got the hospital, I feared her needing to be intubated. She hated being messed with. Her 02 levels were a little lower than usual, which is not good because they are already low to begin with. She sounded very junky in her chest and noisy as she tried to breathe. The doc finally came to see us, and after listening to her suspected Alexa had Croup. She ordered for her to get a breathing treatment, a chest X-Ray, a nasal swab to rule out flu, and some oral steroid medication to open up her airway. After the breathing treatment which she hated but finally slept through the end of I could hear a noticeable difference in her. She sounded just so much clearer. The flu test was negative, thank goodness, and I felt so bad because I had to hold her down for the chest X-Ray and she just looked at me with her big sad eyes and wondered why I was doing this to her. I really hate her having to get soooo many X-Rays as it is so much radiation for a tiny body. But they had to make sure her lungs were okay. So after a long morning there about 5 a.m. I finally called my hubby to come pick us up. All I can say is thank goodness for 2 a.m. cartoons. And thank goodness we dodged one big bullet and got to come home sweet home again.

Now for other news, as I mentioned in my title there is a new mail lady in our neighborhood.

She is kind and generous and brings with her hand made notes with good tidings and cheer.

She travels far and wide

with big brother watching

carrying extra precious cargo

through traffic jams

and dangerous opposition

always with enough time to stop and chat to see how your doing

and to stop and skip a few rocks

does it all in high fashion

and never misses your house

Now don't you wish you had a mail lady like that?

I am glad we do.

November 12, 2009

I have peace.

In this world with no peace, with stress, with worries, with sickness, death, pain, crimes, hate, disasters, and many more afflicting conditions, I can honestly say I have peace. Although my two girls are sick, and I have not made dinner yet, I'm tired and I haven't cleaned my house today. I have peace. A true, quiet, calming, gentle spirit that surrounds my heart and mind. I thank God for this peace, for I had lost it for a time, but it has returned to my life. It sometimes gets lost in the shuffle of life. In all the things I need to do or want to do, in all my projects, in all my worries. But I have prayed to receive this peace again, and alas it has come. God has listened to my prayers. Thank you God. Please help me to continue doing my part, I know you always do yours.

"Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that excels all thoughts will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 4:6,7

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor governments nor things now here nor things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor any other creation will be able to separate us from God's love that is in Jesus Christ our Lord."
~ Romans 8:38,39

November 5, 2009

Look Who's WALKING!!!

Alexa had been taking a couple of steps here and there when persuaded to do so at 12 months. On Friday of last week she walked about 5 steps at a time, again when persuaded. Yesterday, she took off walking when I wasn't looking and least expected! Needless to say, she is loving her new found skill. She tries over and over no prompting or convincing required. She is getting pretty far along the house.

I am so excited and yet so sad and just so emotional over it! She is my baby and she is growing up right before my eyes! (which is just the way I like it) I am going to miss her special little crawl she does though, scooting around on her bum and dragging one leg around and pushing herself with one arm. But then again, will be glad she will be getting off the dirty floor, no matter how many times I mop it.

Wow! My baby is walking! Did you hear that world? WALKING!

I officially bought her, her Stride Rite baby shoes last Friday because I knew it was only a matter of days, so ...

Watch out world! Here she comes!

Isn't she gorgeous?!

I'm just so proud. Tissue please.

p.s. Don't mind my curtains, I've been wanting to go to Ikea or fabric store forever since purchasing our new sectional to look for some new delightful curtains, but heart mommas, you know how it is, kind of hard to do when your suppose to be home fleeing from the flu.

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