November 24, 2009
So last night it hit me. As I watched Alexa play and walk around the house with a huge smile on her face. And my home was filled with the playful banter of children and giggles. My heart was just so happy and content for our seemingly happy little ordinary life. But as soon as I felt that joy begin to swell my heart, I was stabbed with the realization of what the near future holds for my precious little daughter, open heart surgery. This surgery looms in our horizon like an ugly dreaded storm. She holds no fault in needing to face such a grave surgery. She did not choose this disease. Unfortunately this disease chose her, my innocent, playful, jovial, always smiling, easy going Alexa. I was happily sitting on the floor playing with her, when I suddenly collapsed to the floor in tears. My sweet doll, how I wish to take this from you. How I wish to be powerful enough to change your fate. Alexa reached for me as I lay on the ground and so I lifted my face and she saw me in tears, she looked intently into my eyes, as I see it is the first time she notices me crying. She tracked my tears with her finger down my cheek. Then she leaned into me and gave me a sloppy kiss and then hug. She knew I was hurt. And as much as I don't like her to see me that way, it felt good knowing that she cared and tried to make me better. I only hope I can do the same for her when the time comes.