tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27039986451361202762024-02-19T07:34:03.049-08:00The Heart Mom ChroniclesMichellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-47911040417048450552015-06-12T22:07:00.002-07:002015-06-12T22:07:35.252-07:00Surgery Update 2 (post op day 1 & 2)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hello! They came to wake Alexa up for a chest X-ray about 5 a.m this morning and she fell asleep after, so in the quiet of the morning I began typing a nice long update but unfortunately it did not save. Hate when that happens. Now it's almost 11 p.m and just getting around to trying to update again. So here is kind of a summary of the last few days.<br />
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The first night after surgery is always the most critical and thankfully Alexa did great! All the her blood gases were beautiful and stable through the night. In the morning Alexa started getting lines pulled left and right and she even got her chest tube out! The only thing left was a couple of IV's being used for pain meds. She also stood up and took few steps. She was doing so great that by the afternoon they moved us to step down cardiac unit. I was happy but apprehensive.<br />
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By the time we got over to our new room, she was looking a little more pale, weak, in pain and was desating a bit during sleep. All these issues were addressed and she did much better the next day. She went walking a bit more, even went to playroom down the hall with her wonderful little brother. Movement is very important in the the healing process so keeping her pain in check so she wants to move around is a priority. She also ate a little bit more, so Thursday again was a good day overall until the night. She began refusing to take her meds because of the awful taste, frequency of doses and they were upsetting her stomach. I was able to get some things changed to chewable forms and she has done much better with those. By the night we could tell she was having bit of a harder time and feeling emotionally drained<br />
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In sorry but I'm nodding off really bad so just wanted to post this quick update. Hopefully I can finish more tomorrow. Hugs and love to all. On a good note discharge has been brought up already! :)<br />
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<br />Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-77952311056415712882015-06-09T21:43:00.001-07:002015-06-09T21:43:27.142-07:00Surgery UpdateThank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers today! I'm sorry for the lack of updates but things moved really quickly after my last update and I got pretty busy with surgeon, Luke and just wanting to come back to see her. As far as surgery, it went very well! We were really happy with the results. Everything she needed and we wanted got done! She was able to receive a 20 mm conduit which is adult sized! She also got new biventricular leads, new pacemaker generator and Dr. Galatowicz was able to remove the right muscle bundling! We came back to see her and she was alert but very thirsty. They only want to give a tiny sponge soaked in a bit of water so as she does not feel sick from all the anesthesia. Slowly she progressed to ice chips and now to about an ounce at a time. She even got to bite a cracker. I'm so surprised she is happy and talking some. She gave me a few half smiles and told me she loved me. Felt so great to see and here that on this first day. Her nurse commented she had never seen anybody smile so soon after surgery. :) She has been calm and such a sweetie, asking for things politely. Her strength and courage are truly amazing. Although we are extremely grateful and relieved we are cautiously optimistic things will continue to progress smoothly. We've had setbacks before and have met others here going through them. We are hoping and praying we are spared this time and can slide out of here quickly with no bumps in the road. So please continue with prayers for a smooth night and recovery. Tomorrow is big day with hopefully lots of progress in removing lines etc. thanks again for all your prayers, love and support! It is almost one in the morning here so hoping to get a few minutes of sleep before morning rounds.<br />
<br />Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-80710290391677437742015-06-09T08:34:00.000-07:002015-06-09T08:34:03.298-07:00Surgery DayToday is the big day. <div>
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7:50 a.m. She was taken to OR</div>
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9:40 a.m. Received first update, she is doing well and they were staring to cut through scar tissue. </div>
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10:45 a.m. She's on bypass, sewing in first side of conduit.</div>
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Before surgery she was very calm. She had trouble falling asleep last night so she was already sleepy even without the sleepy meds. Gabe and I have been only sleeping like 2-3 hours the last couple of weeks so we are already exhausted. Surgery is expected to last 4-6 hours. </div>
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Please continue with prayers for surgery and recovery.<br /><div>
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Thank you!</div>
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Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-32513538153100498262015-06-02T12:15:00.001-07:002015-06-02T20:00:16.619-07:00Update on Luke and the whirl wind of May <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTf1r0tMYAiOgljFkSnB7anJuArIUzzJsmEkgjqadAHgCg5QlKRH31EdB3irLfv97StILoDKpfz09yX7AWcOoovS41Q_93YttJigoorb5arPUzZuNIw45G-9v_dEsfM_luuTe_WZl3pko/s1600/2015-06-02+%25281%2529_WEB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
I first want to say thank you so much for the many encouraging messages you sent me after my last post. Seems like it touched many of you in different ways. <br />
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Well, today is Tuesday and one week from today my baby girl will be in the OR. Seems unreal that the day is so near. I just can't wait until we can all be home together again and have the surgery behind us.<br />
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May was a whirlwind of doctors appointments but also lots of good times attending graduation parties with friends and family. My hubby and I even squeezed in a date to see Phantom of the Opera, which we loved and my little man cub Luke turned 4 years old! My sister made me laugh when she told me she kept telling everyone he was two lol! Guess it makes two of us that still think he is a baby! <br />
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Some of you have asked how Luke has been doing and I am happy to report he is doing well. No more scary episodes! He was a little pale and weak for a couple of days but he regained his color and energy quickly. Once I saw him karate chopping around the house I began to feel better. He had his appointment with the hepatologist last week It worked out nice because Alexa also had a quick test to get done at the heart clinic (although they made her cry some big crocodile tears, broke my heart).<br />
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His appointment was first, it felt so strange walking into a new clinic, with new doctors and nurses and a whole new set of issues I knew nothing about. Felt really vulnerable as opposed to the way I walk into the heart clinic where everything is familiar and I know the lingo. After reviewing all his information the doctor said she did not see much reason for concern because although his liver is a bit large it still falls within the higher end of normal so still within normal range and that could have been from the angle the image was taken etc. Through physical exam she said it felt fine to her and considering his original labs were good and he has no symptoms that would signal a problem, she does 'not want to go fishing for problems when she believes there is none'. She does however, want us to keep on eye on it, make sure peds checks his liver routinely at visits and maybe do another scan some time in the future to monitor it. I felt relieved to hear this as it is one less thing to worry about right now. I had been giving him and Alexa Milk Thistle at the recommendation of their naturopath and she said I could discontinue, but I may still give it periodically. So very grateful we got out of there pretty unscathed. I told her I had cried myself a river in worry and she said that ER docs just being cautious but as long as he is good then it's all good. <br />
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Also have to say, proud of my Yazzy girl that one student of the month at her school! Way to go! Proud of you baby! She is battling a cold right now, so I am anxious she is better before we leave for surgery and that she doesn't get the rest of us sick. The saga continues. I have much more to say but will leave it for another post. <br />
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In summary, May was a whirlwind of crazy mixed thankfully, with plenty of good times.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-19127414701317699472015-05-23T00:19:00.001-07:002015-05-23T01:03:51.767-07:00Finding Strength<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Things started off well last week. We had a great time at Alexa's Spring Concert. She looked beautiful and all the kids were the cutest sight and sound to behold. We were so proud and happy for this moment we got to share and we all went out for pizza afterwards to celebrate!</span> </span><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The next day things took an unexpected turn. I was trying to get my ‘head in the game’ sort of speak for surgery, preparing myself mentally and emotionally to stay strong and positive for the surgery and for my family. The day started off well going to Alexa's school for an art walk to enjoy some of the children's creations. When we returned home around lunch time, Lexi and Luke were happily playing when suddenly Luke my 3 year old had this super scary episode. He became pale, started grabbing his head saying it hurt really bad, looked suddenly weak, like he was going to pass out and said he couldn’t breathe. Now I am a not a new kid on the block when it comes to kids illnesses, being a mommy of 4 I’ve seen many things come and go, yet I’d never seen this. I felt weak at my knees and rushed him to the children’s ER as he threw up several times. I tried talking to him on the way there to keep him alert. When we finally arrived as I opened the door and tried to get him out, he told me “mommy don’t carry me” and I asked “why not?’ he said “I don’t want to get you dirty”. It broke my heart that he was even thinking that and he was being so thoughtful in this situation. But I said “please don’t worry about that, I love you and I don’t care to get dirty”. Long story he puked tons, first food, then phlegm, then something that looked like green Kool-Aid (maybe bile) and finally nothing although he was still nauseous. Docs x-rayed his tummy and noticed his liver was “a little full” so then they ordered an ultrasound which revealed his liver was enlarged. As I was sitting there I became so broken, worrying about what this meant and how I would deal with him being sick and Alexa’s upcoming surgery. As I sat around waiting for results, getting him hydrated and watching Toy Story, I smiled at him through my tears and prayed. Having to hold him down for IV placement and being wheel chaired from here to there for tests I was quickly thrust into the realities of the hospital world. In the midst of all this, I was also worried about my car which I had hurriedly parked in the fire lane as we arrived many hours ago and to top things off I had lost my keys. I was sure by this point my car was either ticketed, towed or stolen. Thankfully my sweet brother stopped on his way out of work and was able to find my keys and car. The ER Physician came back to tell me not to worry too much as his labs looked good but they still referred us to see hepatologist soon, before Alexa’s surgery, to find out more of what is going on.</span> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As a mom who
has had the proverbial shoe drop, you always live in fear or if not in fear at
least always with the realization that your normal can change in an
instant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To say the least my heart was broken and my spirit crushed. I was weak, worried and
depressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wondered how I would find the
strength to get through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I wanted to
do was lay in bed with my babies and cuddle them forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I prayed and prayed and prayed some
more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As soon as I woke up I
prayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I couldn’t fall asleep I
prayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I struggled to take care of
my family’s daily needs and house I prayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I decided to look up information on our </span><a href="http://www.jw.org/"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">JW.Org </span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">online library about
dealing with emotional distress. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read
many encouraging stories of people who have dealt with severe trials and it
gave me hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read the bible accounts
of Jesus and the story of Job, who although suffering continued to say “<span style="background: white; color: #333333;">Let the name of Jehovah continue to be
praised”.</span> (Job 1:21) </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And let me tell you that although I was worried
about how and if or when I would recover from this major setback I am happy to
say I have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> As we have faced many hardships in the past, I know that God is always there but when you are </span>in the
middle of the storm you doubt. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slowly I regained my perspective and a
positive can do but only through God’s strength attitude. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could feel the peace of God spoken about in
the bible calm and comfort my troubled heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can attest to the fact that God’s
word is true – He gave me peace and serenity when I most needed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also continue to ask daily for wisdom,
guidance, patience, courage, strength, insight, endurance, more faith and for
his name to continue to be praised through our life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so thankful as well for the many
thoughts and prayers and even dinner extended on our behalf from family and
dear friends. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And thankful for my wonderful
husband who listens and encourages me as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; line-height: 107%;">We still have a very big battle to face with Alexa and we are still waiting
to find out what the hepatalogist has to say about Luke’s liver, although I am
hopeful it is nothing of serious concern.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile, the nerves still creep up on
me here and there and my stomach gets a sudden sinking feeling when I think too
much about tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I am trying to
apply Jesus advice to take one day at time, so when these feelings return I just
keep praying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that no matter what,
our God will get us through as he has done time and time again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for now I am so thankful to experience
God’s tender mercy and care and the truthfulness of the words found in Psalms
34:18 ~ <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<span class="style-l"><span style="background: white; border: 1pt windowtext; color: #333333; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted;</span></span><span class="style-z"><span style="background: white; border: 1pt windowtext; color: #333333; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;"> He saves
those who are crushed in spirit.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
that was definitely me last week but now </span></span>I have been “given power
beyond was it normal” (2 Corinthians 4:7) “for when I am weak I am made
powerful. “ (2 Corinthians 12:10)</span></div>
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Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-27841769125281397322015-05-05T23:30:00.000-07:002015-05-06T02:55:43.969-07:00Just 35 more days<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Amazing , that it's been a wonderful almost three years since my last blog post! We have been busy living our lives and are so thankful that Alexa has been doing so remarkably well! It's been over 5 years since her last surgery. </div>
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Looking back we had the opportunity to go on many family trips, that included trips to the beach, Legoland, SeaWorld, to San Francisco, the Monterrey Bay Aquarium, Santa Cruz boardwalk, to see the magestic California Redwood Forrest, to the Grand Canyon, Dallas, Austin and San Antonio, Texas and to Mexico and we made many many truly wonderful memories along the way. Alexa is nearly done with her first year of school as a kinder gardener. She has learned so much and enjoyed the process. She now knows how to read, how to add and subtract, and many delightful things about about our world. What she is probably most proud of though beside reading is learning how to snap her fingers, how to whistle and how to skate, those all took some extra practice and persistence. She had a very fun and memorable graduations party and has lost and gained many new teeth in the last the few years. She has grown to be a beautiful, inquisitive, silly, funny, happy, intelligent, caring, loving, and compassionate young lady. Watching Alexa and each of my children grow is like watching in awe the blossoming petals of a sweet beautiful rose. And for each day with them I am forever grateful.</div>
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My heart is full and yet it aches from the knowledge that in just 35 short days, it will be time for us to hand her over our precious child and watch her be wheeled away for the 4th time for open heart surgery. Really it is more than any child or parent should ever have to bare.<br />
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This time it is different though because not only must I deal with my own emotions, which are all over the place right now but for the first time I really need to help her cope with hers. It will be the first time she will truly know and possibly remember this event in her life. And I am going to do my best to lower the harsh bitterness of it all and turn it into the most positive experience it could be.<br />
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Mean time, as I watch her play happily with her little brother, oblivious to the struggle that awaits her I can't help but feel like a traitor to her and my motherly instinct. Motherhood is suppose to be about love, devotion and protection of your children and yet this (CHD) makes you go against that basic instinct. Instead of fleeing far away from the danger you must confront it, look it straight in the eye and walk towards it. You must face it with courage, faith and pure, raw and unembellished <span style="color: red;"><b>LOVE. </b> </span><br />
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I hate walking this road but know that we are not alone and have received many blessings along the way. I am thankful for all the support and prayers of family and friends as we travel this path.<br />
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<br />Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-47442235903811926692012-06-26T02:11:00.002-07:002012-06-26T02:18:09.193-07:00My Darling Luke {One Year Old}My baby boy turned one year old on May 18th. Yes, it has been over month now but I still wanted to share some pics and some thoughts. <br />
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<em>My dear little Luke, </em> </div>
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I can hardly believe you are now ONE year old. The day you were born is still fresh in my mind. I feel like this past year was a blur and I'm really not sure how it happened. One minute I'm cradling you in my arms, you sucking at my breast and the next you are big boy running around, laughing, eager to explore the world around you. You started walking a few weeks before you turned 1. You now have 8 teeth and I'm sure the molars are coming soon. You LOVE to be outside. You marvel at the leaves moving on the trees, at the birds flying over the sky, you shriek with excitment when our big clumsy dog gets near you. You love going for walks both in and out of your stroller. You are down to one nap a day, unless we are driving around town, during which you take car naps. I love the way you call me mama, sometimes with a sweet voice of mama please I need a hug and sometimes with a loud grunting yell of mama get over here NOW and rescue me. You love playing with your brothers and sisters and they love you so very much. When we go shopping, I love the way you lean into hug and hold me and have me hug and hold you while you are in the shopping cart, I have to say it makes my shopping experience so much more delightful. You have already been to beach, Disneyland, the snow, to a cabin in the mountains twice, once in winter once in summer. You are a great baby/toddler. You have grown so much and although a part of me is really sad that your first year went by so very fast, I am also savoring every moment I watch you grow and develop. I am so happy that you are my son and that you came to bless our family with your presence. I love you with all my heart. <br />
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<em>Love always and forever, </em><br />
<br />
<em>mommy</em> <br />
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<br /></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-71142644945266796202012-06-03T01:17:00.002-07:002012-06-26T02:35:39.603-07:00Good Night Baby Ezequiel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't sleep. Can't stop crying. Can't stop thinking about baby Ezequiel and his family. Today I went to his funeral. He was only 5 days young when he passed away. A very complex CHD claimed his beautiful and innocent life. Today I hugged and cried with his parents. Today, I hugged and cried with his aunt, my dear friend who also happens to be a CHD survivor herself (related by marriage so CHD does not run in the family). I want to do so much for them. I hurt knowing how much a mothers arms and heart aches for newborn baby, to hear his cries and to breath in his newborn scent. I hurt knowing her breasts are still filled with the milk her baby should be nourishing himself with and finding comfort in his mothers bosom. My heart is heavy and my mind filled with many thoughts. There is too much to say but the most important thing, is please keep this family in your prayers. They have lost their precious son, still have other children to attend and need to find the strength to go on.<br />
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<em>Good night baby Ezequiel. I'm so sorry. Until we meet in a better place. xoxo</em> </div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-4745338019444433892012-05-01T15:16:00.000-07:002012-05-01T15:24:58.134-07:00Happy Heart ~ Cardiology Update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been a while since I've been here ... typing words for a new blog post. I have to admit, I enjoyed the time away. Life has been good {for the most part}. Last October, 2011, Alexa had a cardiology appointment and I got lazy to update, which I regret because I rely on this blog to reference medical events/notes. Last October, for the first time, Alexa was more difficult to keep calm during her echo, she was still for a while but then kept saying she was done. The ultrasound tech was getting upset, so was Alexa and in turn so was I. We cut the echo short. We got the most important info and good news. She continued stable with low pressure through her pulmonary conduit at 28. <br />
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Fast forward 6 months to yesterday, Monday, April 30th 2012. After our last not so easy echo, I decided to schedule Alexa's appointment to coincide with her afternoon nap instead of a morning appointment. We took the movie Tangled and her favorite guilty pleasure which are Fruit Snacks. She sucks each one by one until it slowly dissolves in her mouth. Thankfully, this means that one snack pack lasts quite a while. My plan worked and she was calm through out the hour long echo. We went back to the room and waited for results and to check her pacemaker and do an EKG. Dr. Papez said he thought it was the first time Alexa smiled at him, although she is not shy, she had been pretty shy at his visits before. He told me she looked great! She is a little over 39 inches tall and weighs about 35.5 pounds. He said everything on the echo looked good! Everything is pretty much the same as before which is awesome news! <br />
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We are aware she has some mild pulmonary stenosis in the middle of the conduit. He said, they will eventually need to balloon it and that it is in a good location for it to work. We went over the history of her pressure gradient through the conduit (lower is better):<br />
<br />
October 2010 ~ 31<br />
April 2011 ~ 21<br />
October 2011 ~ 28<br />
April 2012 ~ 31<br />
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So he said, things have remained stable and he does not foresee the pressure rising quickly. I think when they they may want to balloon is if/when it gets above 50ish. What has been your experience with this? <br />
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One of the questions on my list this time around, was 'How are Alexa's coronary arteries?' He was a little taken aback by my question as they have never before been brought up as a concern. He wanted to know where this sudden left field question was coming from. I explained to him I read <a href="http://www.abbysperfectbrokenheart.net/?p=699">this</a> article/scenario about a young girl named Abby requiring a heart transplant after pulmonary valve replacement surgery. The mom mentioned that the transanular patch used to repair her TOF/Pulmonary Stenosis pushed her heart into an unsusal position, plus with natural scarring that occurred, this push and pull action occluded some of her coronary arteries, thus causing her heart to become weak and requiring a heart transplant. I asked how or if this relates to Alexa in anyway since she also has a pulmonary conduit, but he mentioned that this girl, may have already had issues with her coronary arteries to begin with, which I told him, yes, this was true, her mom mentioned quite a few issues with them being malformed. So he said that already complicated a complicated matter, as with TOF usually the repair requires to pass through some of these arteries. He said Alexa has no issues with coronary arteries. He mentioned with patients with only Transposition of the Great Arteries (TGA) the coronaries have to be switched around too. But since Alexa had the Rastelli hers were left alone. He said he cannot see any reason why she should have a problem with this in the future. Big sigh of relief! And thanks to Abby's mom for bringing awareness to this issue. Best wishes to Abby during her recovery post transplant. <br />
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I also, asked him about another scenarios a few moms mentioned in our Rastelli group regarding sudden pacemaker problems causing life threatening issues. He said that those are also highly unlikely and that the most important thing is that you protect the lead from the pacemaker to the heart. Making sure the child does not injure themselves in the abdomen or near the chest. For example no monkey bars, etc. When he lowered/turned off Alexa's pacemaker, she did complain and said her heart hurt. He said that since her underlying heart beat is very slow at 48 beats per minute but let me tell you that is A LOT MORE FANTAUBLOUS than nothing (yes, I'm doing a happy dance because for a while she had no heart beat of her own) she would feel sick and very lethargic and complain of pain in her upper chest almost in her throat. If this happened she would need to get to the hospital quickly to replace/repair the lead. So other than all my scary scenario questions, thankfully Alexa's pacemaker is working well and she has 4 years left of battery life! <br />
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On an another exciting note, we will be taking the kids to Disneyland soon. Alexa has been asking to go to 'Mickey's Mouses house' for quite a while now. Doc said she can ride all kiddie rides with no problem. Looking forward to an wonderful time at the happiest place on earth! Especially after all our <span style="color: #a64d79;"><em>happy heart </em></span>news! Thank you God. <br />
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<br />Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-84854954871453653362011-09-10T22:00:00.000-07:002011-09-11T13:38:43.239-07:00Our Warrior Princess Turns Three!<div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Alexa Brianne - mi corazon,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">You turned <span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: large;">THREE</span> years old on <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">September 2<sup>nd</sup></span></span>, 2011!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">How time has flown by my sweetie!</span></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">You are tender and affectionate, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">quick, smart and curious about everything.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times;">One minute needy and another independent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">You fill our home with so much joy, love and silliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Your smile and laughter are contagious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; mso-spacerun: yes;">You are like a beautiful flower in bloom, </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; mso-spacerun: yes;">wild, free and spontaneous.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">You keep us on our toes!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’ve often wondered if you were born with this fearless spirit </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">that without a doubt has helped you overcome the difficult medical journey you have faced </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">(two heart caths and three {open} heart surgeries and all the junk that comes with it) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">or if this fearless spirit is the result of having nothing left to fear </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">because you have been through so much?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Either way, we appreciate your nature, your courage and bravery.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">You have taught us many valuable lessons.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times;">You are a warrior. You are our princess.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">You make every day worth living</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times;">and every day a celebration of life! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">We love you and will be here for you always!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>We thank God from the bottom of our hearts for you.</em></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1iPxOKp4iCOJw3kO8kIQKWBCNrq8VDwqVKbcUpeLLpXt1qDK0ELw-qHUHFPzd3ar5VbbewDtacwjnkqELUO9KMfmwVvyJ_llCFfoVRdgfkJffJgJ9_KYkMzD86_36qKKjAF-L_OGu3kQ/s1600/IMG_8322.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1iPxOKp4iCOJw3kO8kIQKWBCNrq8VDwqVKbcUpeLLpXt1qDK0ELw-qHUHFPzd3ar5VbbewDtacwjnkqELUO9KMfmwVvyJ_llCFfoVRdgfkJffJgJ9_KYkMzD86_36qKKjAF-L_OGu3kQ/s640/IMG_8322.jpg" width="456" /></a></div><br />
<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";"></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif";">“What Is A Little Girl!”</span></b></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">She's a bundle of sweetness, <br />
brightness & fun</span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">The beauty of springtime, <br />
the warmth of the sun </span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">She's Innocence covered with mud, <br />
sand, & soot</span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">She's Motherhood dragging <br />
a doll by the foot...</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
She's a composite picture of <br />
giggles & tears <br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Of tantrums, excitemen, <br />
amusement & fears</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">A bundle of mischief <br />
and often a tease</span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">A creature of moods <br />
not easy to please...</span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Who'll capture your heart <br />
with her pixie-like grin</span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Or chatter and beg till your <br />
patience wears thin</span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">But obedient, naughty, <br />
mischievous or coy</span></div><div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">She's Mom's little Darling & <br />
Dad's Pride & Joy.</span><br />
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<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKnb3OBHdc7hXQxvXlyt0phA1RVq_aZ9a8LaVDrXJD2xSUZ5JbYdlJWIK9lQTonz-o_FcRVH1ihGpxY2oHBAI5bTJUXU4JUoED_0Z6fjHCbRi6OI5SWerx3ZeRZOTypswLHZfkGMx8i00/s1600/IMG_8316.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKnb3OBHdc7hXQxvXlyt0phA1RVq_aZ9a8LaVDrXJD2xSUZ5JbYdlJWIK9lQTonz-o_FcRVH1ihGpxY2oHBAI5bTJUXU4JUoED_0Z6fjHCbRi6OI5SWerx3ZeRZOTypswLHZfkGMx8i00/s400/IMG_8316.jpg" width="285" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHt9-2vymgN5GCIqaMys6SWATWbJs0vHH0h45rL9yuUYVQwWeSBBiT8PgLbDIJV82NkOuwSO__JZ3ZylpXaF_vsXaMZ21-DL4UJAMAChs5QYy3h9PSuV5cnZ-t8_D0WOreBCHf-bpvDg4/s1600/IMG_8318.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHt9-2vymgN5GCIqaMys6SWATWbJs0vHH0h45rL9yuUYVQwWeSBBiT8PgLbDIJV82NkOuwSO__JZ3ZylpXaF_vsXaMZ21-DL4UJAMAChs5QYy3h9PSuV5cnZ-t8_D0WOreBCHf-bpvDg4/s400/IMG_8318.jpg" width="285" /></a></div></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-59003693876727460062011-08-27T01:52:00.000-07:002011-08-27T13:29:45.806-07:00Three Months {and late again}<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><strong>Luke 3 months on 8.18</strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #999999;"><span style="color: #666666;">{these pics taken today}</span> </span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPPIGKRQVk24J5wtL9Aex4oU-leWOhXLp9pwTCR6AHX-erVkfuphlukNTGv5gDCNc30uX7mWAWnw2uMqLvXPtHsJ0OXNVEP9sJjtxRsouQ2PudDetRjvOyC7Wgm2a67kbxB9vAFGi3QA/s1600/Luke+3+monthcollage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPPIGKRQVk24J5wtL9Aex4oU-leWOhXLp9pwTCR6AHX-erVkfuphlukNTGv5gDCNc30uX7mWAWnw2uMqLvXPtHsJ0OXNVEP9sJjtxRsouQ2PudDetRjvOyC7Wgm2a67kbxB9vAFGi3QA/s640/Luke+3+monthcollage.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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You are all smiles now! You love to dance and generally be bounced up and down. You have begun to bat and grab at your toys and of course taste everything. I love how you are soaking up the world around you. How you intently examine everything in your line of sight. Your not too fond of laying on your tummy long but it's growing on you. You can do a full 360 degree turn on the floor as you try to move. You also rolled from your tummy to your back a few times! You love when I sing to you. Especially anything with hand movements like Itsy Bitsy Spider and Pat A Cake. You are ticklish. You are currently wearing a Size 2 diaper. You weigh about 16 pounds and are wearing 6-9 months clothes. You are my first baby that actually prefers to be laid down while drowsy after nursing and rocking for a bit. I am amazed you can peacefully fall asleep on your own. You smile when I lay you on your bed, you recognize this is as your safe and special space. You still wake up about 2-3 times a night ~ mostly 3. You are enjoying your new <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Love-464-Classic-Mobile/dp/B002BSHTS0">Tiny Love Mobile</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Vulli-Sophie-the-Giraffe-Teether/dp/B000IDSLOG/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1314435085&sr=1-1">Sophie</a> the giraffe teether. You had your first fever and cold thanks to your lil big sis. You Luke ... light up my life. I miss you when you sleep. I daydream of you. I love you. I like that I can soothe you. And you soothe me. I have visions of you. I can see you as a little toddler running around full of happiness and glee. I can hear you call me mommy. I can see the look in your eye full of wonder. I can feel your warm embrace and your sloppy sweet kiss on my cheek. I look forward to those days, as each day I get to know you more and more. But for now I cherish and relish in these moments, smelling like spoiled milk and all because you are my good and perfect gift from above ~ you are my present. <br />
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Love you forever ~ mommy.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-37089471542649639262011-08-04T01:30:00.000-07:002011-08-04T08:39:32.794-07:00Moments<div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><em>These are the moments I wish not to forget.</em></span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em> </em><em>One of my current favorite things is watching my baby girl pretned play. </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em>I love when she is completely submerged in her own little world. </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em>I sometimes like to spy and hide behind my kitchen wall </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em>so I can enjoy listening to </em><em>all the toys 'conversations'. </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em> I smile and my heart swells with joy.</em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>I love her so much.</em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em>After just learning of the unfair passing of another child with CHD, </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em> a precious five year old little boy with HLHS named Mario Martinez, </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em>I am again reminded of the fragility of life.</em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em>My heart goes out to the family.</em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em> </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em>I can't help but hope and pray I get to keep her forever. </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-64475735856980155572011-07-29T10:05:00.000-07:002011-08-04T08:27:40.789-07:00In Transition<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">M<span style="font-family: inherit;">y world is changing. Everything is happening so fast and I feel almost like an outsider looking in on my life. I feel quiet and contemplative and suddenly full of life and exhilarated and other times just plain exhausted and defeated. In the last couple of weeks we added a tiny soul to our family. As I began to cherish and really relish this newborn phase {since with Alexa I didn't really get to enjoy it} my safe little nest was shaken.</span> The good thing is that I had already learned that <em>life moves forward in beautiful yet sometimes challenging ways. </em></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3jzgC0UQ3lcPFMbW5AvDdwlnSRDVZLaGyzW5v-MzyzQ7_YyM-d56W76cA_jOHqzBSzMVbwskOlz6eYgrW37ceJCBxRMM196oJ4r0x2odAtP39lbMO_n7ODjvs83ppmD7kqfL35a-v4Ec/s1600/IMG_7721.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3jzgC0UQ3lcPFMbW5AvDdwlnSRDVZLaGyzW5v-MzyzQ7_YyM-d56W76cA_jOHqzBSzMVbwskOlz6eYgrW37ceJCBxRMM196oJ4r0x2odAtP39lbMO_n7ODjvs83ppmD7kqfL35a-v4Ec/s320/IMG_7721.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">About two and half weeks after giving birth to baby Luke, my dad, father, papi, my first love and protector, suffered a life altering debilitating stroke. My family initially thought of protecting me from the news but it was just much too big to keep secret. I struggled between being there for my dad, mom and siblings and being here for my little ones, especially my tiny one who was/is so very dependant on me as I am his primary source of nourishment. My dad's stroke happened on the evening of June 6th. I knew that strokes kill and I had seen/heard of some people who had strokes and were somewhat affected but still looked and acted fairly normal. I didn't know the in-between. NEVER imagined a stroke could cause all that my father has been through these last couple of weeks. It is truly incredibly scary. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSCmSmwQAzjNkNKUXkY_nFQVza4epDvhtChBLdNWoWs5LQfRbT_M-SpdRpJ8cCIj7G_8nTbZKEMPvAZBxtAPWcIKKm32iVIEuWOY-piiSkoz8LTMqCVFBbvKrZLjiYbLGp6qTAX9dQ8Z8/s1600/IMG_7901.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSCmSmwQAzjNkNKUXkY_nFQVza4epDvhtChBLdNWoWs5LQfRbT_M-SpdRpJ8cCIj7G_8nTbZKEMPvAZBxtAPWcIKKm32iVIEuWOY-piiSkoz8LTMqCVFBbvKrZLjiYbLGp6qTAX9dQ8Z8/s320/IMG_7901.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center"></div><div style="text-align: left;">He was initially able to receive a clot busting medicine but this did not help as much as the doctors had anticipated. The stroke completely affected the right side of his body and he was initially unable to swallow. Because of this he needed a feeding tube, the feeding tube quickly became severely infected (lack of care) from irresponsible nurses and docs {but that's another story} so they removed it. It was not healing and so he required abdominal surgery to sew his stomach and clean out the infection. After three weeks of this, we were finally able to get him over to an intensive rehab therapy hospital to help him deal with the aftermath of the stroke on his body. My dad has not been able to speak intelligibly since the day of his stroke. He has something called <a href="http://www.aphasia.org/Aphasia%20Facts/aphasia_facts.html">Aphasia</a> and <a href="http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/apraxia.html">Apraxia</a>. He can understand us but we can't understand him. It is very frustrating for all of us. We want to know what he is feeling and thinking. It is very isolating and probably the worse thing you can have when you are in the hospital because you can't express your needs or pain. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFfRtNBIcuca3FB3CIuVy0xjm0We5_bAqkyHaMgke3FfJ4FZOhCuLesK6GZYPX18dOq1eYViG1diDKnK8Iga4zrX5EsfrzUNp459avj0plPdV1ZSYDYtODuqmWBpX-eMM4R7t9JkizzlI/s1600/ArmandoHerrera+001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFfRtNBIcuca3FB3CIuVy0xjm0We5_bAqkyHaMgke3FfJ4FZOhCuLesK6GZYPX18dOq1eYViG1diDKnK8Iga4zrX5EsfrzUNp459avj0plPdV1ZSYDYtODuqmWBpX-eMM4R7t9JkizzlI/s320/ArmandoHerrera+001.jpg" width="207" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">my dad as a youth</div><br />
<div align="center"></div><div style="text-align: left;">My dad was an independent, fairly young {just turned 58}, strong and jovial person. Loved talking, telling jokes, making people laugh and feel at home. I've always admired his keen sense of hospitality and strived to be like him. He was a gifted musician and artist. He could play any song on any instrument all by ear, never requiring musical notes but his favorite instrument was the organ. While kids he filled our home with music. </div>It breaks my heart so see him in a wheel chair, unable to express his thoughts and feelings and to do the things he enjoyed but we are so thankful he is still with us. So glad he can still enjoy watching his grand kids play, a beautiful sunset and a delicious homemade meal. We are thankful for what we still have but the truth is also miss my old dad. I have cried for the loss of the man I knew. It is strange to mourn someone while they are still alive but I've learned it is part of the process after a debilitating stroke. There is so much I wish I could ask him now, so many things I feel like I don't know about him. We all thought we had more time, he is young, we didn't expect this at all - ever.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZcyS0CxTpE5hhmDmhiYf4aDRWyj0RARbYZAGXboL6zOZ6o7sKhBxaCrO-XgHOB_Mu6Kq2qCHL_wGRJjCKQ7y_Loax_bNvCf24yA27yRXSqSbDen_d6qeDKW9RdFGVW4LiP2Zg8rgLHU/s1600/dadmeparty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfZcyS0CxTpE5hhmDmhiYf4aDRWyj0RARbYZAGXboL6zOZ6o7sKhBxaCrO-XgHOB_Mu6Kq2qCHL_wGRJjCKQ7y_Loax_bNvCf24yA27yRXSqSbDen_d6qeDKW9RdFGVW4LiP2Zg8rgLHU/s320/dadmeparty.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">my dad and me </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>We are happy to see his personality shining through again. He laughs and still makes jokes. It is amazing how much emotion the face and eyes can communicate without saying a word. Although, thankfully he has begun to say more sounds and some words now. The therapists all love him and his cheerful disposition. After everything he went through, we were elated to welcome him back home on July 23rd. My whole family pulled together to get us through this crisis. We pray and hope our father with continued speech, occupational and physical therapy along with hard work, love, support and prayers continues to make improvements. Strange to be in this situation but I have thought recently how in the coming months I hope to see both my son and father learn to talk and walk {again}. During this time, I read a beautiful book entitled " A <span id="btAsinTitle">Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, a Marriage, and the Language of Healing" written by Diane Ackerman. This book helped me sort through some of my emotions and to foresee some of the challenges and joys my parents may face in this new chapter of their lives. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><em>S</em></span>o you can say that this summer has been far from ordinary. I feel like my kids just got out of school for summer break and in about a week it is time to back to school. Time just rushed by. I am from California and I think it just doesn't feel right that kids go back to school here at the beginning of August when we are still in the thick of summer. As a child I really enjoyed going back to school in September, after the Labor Day holiday, one last summer hurrah! And then you could just feel it in the cooler air, autumn was coming and so was the beginning of a new school year. <br />
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As I began to help my kids with getting ready for school, reviewing math skills for example, I began to question the quality of education they are receiving in public school. I liked the thought of being able to choose the curriculum, what they learn, how they learn it and just actively watching them come to new realizations. I really enjoyed the time we spent together teaching and learning and they seemed to equally enjoy it. Handling this on a day to day basis with two younger ones however, is a concern for me. So there is a whirlwind in my head about this and I will continue to ponder and explore the possibilities.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWK7aCHCLUhxzLN64q7vRDKd_c-rdIsO3qH_J7edzz3qRSjLJFTMr1iBmi2INc_CzmYjV_BfuuEG7gVeBbIuun4aJOjZY4nDLfPJtWqDANQHZWzEz6lSP1iPQThiczLR8yVEwWMA4RPYw/s1600/IMG_7664+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="456" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWK7aCHCLUhxzLN64q7vRDKd_c-rdIsO3qH_J7edzz3qRSjLJFTMr1iBmi2INc_CzmYjV_BfuuEG7gVeBbIuun4aJOjZY4nDLfPJtWqDANQHZWzEz6lSP1iPQThiczLR8yVEwWMA4RPYw/s640/IMG_7664+copy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div align="center"></div>I realize life is about change but I feel it more intensely right now. My babies are growing up way too fast. And I want to accomplish so many things within my home and for my family. I struggle to find a balance between keeping up with home chores, trying to exercise so I can fit back into my clothes , healthy meal planning and savvy grocery shopping. I think the most important though is reaching my kids hearts and minds. Teaching them about their creator and to love and appreciate Him. Building our faith everyday and every week. I want to stop time, I want to be with my kids, love them, get to know them deeply as individuals with respect love and admiration for the beautiful wonderful beings that they are and for being mine. Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-43172734535102896042011-07-20T11:05:00.000-07:002011-07-20T11:17:39.432-07:00My two boys<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT7tL9h4IKf9wVmspJyfL8EBjBxW3nxvFSP8jXnWUV6fvegJbqBwWTqGqcm6h7rA863dzC7pkjS9gOag3HeIHYIjWes9owVo9x0y9ge7Z3HGz6ZaVXE_s3NYsiuDnKJMvLy6eImaI0p1k/s1600/IMG_7813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="468" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT7tL9h4IKf9wVmspJyfL8EBjBxW3nxvFSP8jXnWUV6fvegJbqBwWTqGqcm6h7rA863dzC7pkjS9gOag3HeIHYIjWes9owVo9x0y9ge7Z3HGz6ZaVXE_s3NYsiuDnKJMvLy6eImaI0p1k/s640/IMG_7813.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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Wow! Another month gone by! I really thought I would have had time to update the blog before this time but I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So baby <span style="color: #134f5c;"><em>Luke</em></span> <em><span style="color: #134f5c;">turned </span><span style="color: #134f5c;">two months</span></em> old on the 18th of July. I'm two days late but doing better than last month. I took him for his check-up on the 18th and he weighed 12 pounds 10.5 ounces! He is also 24 inches long! He is a pretty big boy! I think on the 76% percentile line. He has only slept through the night one time so far and that night I stood up reading late on the computer, so I was still sleep deprived but not his fault. He still wakes through the night about once or twice. Usually he goes right back to sleep after nursing but sometimes he seems very wired and I say he looks like he is 'swimming' in bed because he is just kicking his arms and legs around and is happy and cooing. Last Saturday he did this and was up from like 2:30a.m. until 5:30 a.m. I really had planned on going to my 9 a.m. Sunday Bible meeting but I just couldn't get up. I have to get everyone ready and fed before leaving so it just wasn't going to happen. Luke is also smiling a lot these days and even beginning to laugh out loud a bit. The kids are all still just loving him to pieces and it is so sweet to see! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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On another note, my BIG baby boy <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><em>Caleb</em> </span></span><em><span style="color: #134f5c;">got braces</span></em> last week! He looks so handsome. We did some before and after pics to commemorate the occasion. I was a little bit concerned about him getting braces in what in my opinion is a little early, since he still nine years old. I had braces too but got mine at twelve or thirteen years old but it seems like getting them earlier now is the new trend/recommendation. I've seen kids in his class last school year with braces already. He was excited but now has a more extensive oral hygiene routine to keep up with. The Ortho place is great though and they provide him like a credit card he can earn points on for rewards if he keeps up with all their instructions. I can't believe how much he has grown. He is a great kid, funny, smart and sweet! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em><span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;">Loving all my bambinos!</span></em> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj47zrOM7Q2N3g6Ps70AGuYp800WL5oW3LbmOJHLRNsGT8QlapJ9A-FsY-7of3vJZnLbvspPd3ImVYr7AdhUnOEXubZHoMRM3VBaRemqlOq_Aj_-EWFxQ3eM0RPOycKMwOxJAiSXg4VlEY/s1600/IMG_7992.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj47zrOM7Q2N3g6Ps70AGuYp800WL5oW3LbmOJHLRNsGT8QlapJ9A-FsY-7of3vJZnLbvspPd3ImVYr7AdhUnOEXubZHoMRM3VBaRemqlOq_Aj_-EWFxQ3eM0RPOycKMwOxJAiSXg4VlEY/s640/IMG_7992.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-89377192384858291422011-06-25T02:11:00.000-07:002011-06-25T02:21:53.529-07:00One Month<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIIHkRBqvKb3npavN3PLpBVpduMo5lVjVrwR_8vc9XVe0C4uPPAQCLIcWItrq4_iMZuW0g_d80c0R2cXrIuijwyF2gDSpo85elkyL1JOYGpQJeSmB4QRQM5kyOt134sfdm1o26KL7gstg/s1600/IMG_7791+web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="474" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIIHkRBqvKb3npavN3PLpBVpduMo5lVjVrwR_8vc9XVe0C4uPPAQCLIcWItrq4_iMZuW0g_d80c0R2cXrIuijwyF2gDSpo85elkyL1JOYGpQJeSmB4QRQM5kyOt134sfdm1o26KL7gstg/s640/IMG_7791+web.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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I should be asleep already but I just couldn't sleep until I came to do this. It is my goal to take and post a pic of baby Luke everytime he turns a new month, so this self imposed assignment was weighing on my mind. <br />
<br />
Luke turned a month old on June 18th. This pic was taken today at 5 weeks old. I'm late but have a lot going on right now so I forgave myself already. <br />
<br />
Luke is <br />
<ul><li>a very sweet natured boy</li>
<li>super cute</li>
<li>99% breastfed</li>
<li>already wearing 3-6 months clothes</li>
<li>starting to smile and baby talk</li>
<li>entertained by our ceiling fans</li>
<li>smothered in hugs and kisses by Alexa {i protect him}</li>
<li>adored by his older sibs</li>
<li>loved by mom and dad</li>
<li>snuggly</li>
<li>loving his bath time</li>
<li>ocassionaly carried in a sling</li>
<li>in sweet slumber in my bed and so I must go to him! </li>
</ul><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><em>Sweet Dreams</em></span></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-42920761290916682822011-06-10T17:03:00.000-07:002011-06-10T17:46:19.663-07:00A Mother's Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCpw7NYeNxgNJmB_NT-8jPSoT8pwYNbu3kOoVQ01i8gUTJwrGl_mnftjEeOB3Wsli3SzcqUTCcvxpjFAjHubb7m8UcErwTkvvDJZ19SkC0_DbLhz6DEoAUUnS5m-p586mKJlnjh1WhJpE/s1600/33+bw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCpw7NYeNxgNJmB_NT-8jPSoT8pwYNbu3kOoVQ01i8gUTJwrGl_mnftjEeOB3Wsli3SzcqUTCcvxpjFAjHubb7m8UcErwTkvvDJZ19SkC0_DbLhz6DEoAUUnS5m-p586mKJlnjh1WhJpE/s640/33+bw.jpg" width="456" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;">"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."</span></em><br />
<br />
-- Agatha Christie<br />
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A picture of me and Lexi above. Have been feeling very contemplative lately, full of emotion, reminiscing on many experiences, on life and love, trials and triumphs. The journey. That's all for now.Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-76988237295860750472011-06-09T17:54:00.000-07:002011-06-09T19:53:17.555-07:00Hope<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiEYlTtdVTN_taMCkTwt_sJn8nirxQLBDdh8G2WnvIHa-bjjuKz3I8iiFI-tHMU2Ecp3AVnF3TgG8H2eKr_gor41a8CfXNMVoPQu9wsq5pcKMcShPbtQ9-_o4_6NuU5MqK-V-DlLdrZ0I/s1600/ocean-hope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiEYlTtdVTN_taMCkTwt_sJn8nirxQLBDdh8G2WnvIHa-bjjuKz3I8iiFI-tHMU2Ecp3AVnF3TgG8H2eKr_gor41a8CfXNMVoPQu9wsq5pcKMcShPbtQ9-_o4_6NuU5MqK-V-DlLdrZ0I/s640/ocean-hope.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><em>"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as the expectation of something tomorrow." </em></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div id="Author" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;">- Orison Swett Marden</span></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-49853267008857795752011-05-26T01:24:00.000-07:002011-05-31T19:43:55.992-07:00HELLO WORLD: LUKE AARON<div align="center"><strong><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: large;">Welcome to the world my sweet boy!</span></strong></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaOIGdF7ySW4bFveeBMUQPS3uzFg0atcUOcwf5_9iVdZreWjwvNC_sk1YJg3uhyqya484hdldyizvQTLbY6fbgBur5pL4IqdgU3zVBoH37Se5CO89F2G3qKZ6uNSrbqSzp8lXDjnFZsyI/s1600/lukebirthannc+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="548" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaOIGdF7ySW4bFveeBMUQPS3uzFg0atcUOcwf5_9iVdZreWjwvNC_sk1YJg3uhyqya484hdldyizvQTLbY6fbgBur5pL4IqdgU3zVBoH37Se5CO89F2G3qKZ6uNSrbqSzp8lXDjnFZsyI/s640/lukebirthannc+copy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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<br />
Dear Little Luke,<br />
<br />
You were born on Wednesday, May 18th, 2011 at 7:49 in the morning. You arrived on your own time without any inductions or prodding. You were five days overdue but I had faith you would come when ready. The only thing I did to encourage you was walk. The last few days of my pregnancy I took several walks around the lake by our house in the early morning and evening hours. I could see all the new family of ducks with their tiny ducklings and smiled as I thought of waiting for a duckling of my own. They were quiet and peaceful walks as I contemplated our new life with you.<br />
<br />
I went to one last OB visit on Tuesday afternoon and pretty much after leaving the office I began having regular contractions. I stopped by at the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. I was anxious and excited, wondering if these contractions would turn into true labor or just some more false alarms. Your Nana and Tata were home with your brother and sisters. Your daddy had to work late this night, something he almost never has to do and I was actually pretty worried he would be too tired to help me through labor if it turned out to be so. He got home about 9 p.m. and I asked him to download a phone app I had heard about that would allow me to keep track of the contractions.<br />
<br />
Before heading for bed, your brother and sister were so excited at the prospect of possibly meeting you soon. Actually, the whole family was ardently anticipating your arrival. I tried to rest but could not. After several hours it was obvious this was it. I was in true labor. By about 3 a.m. Wednesday, I told daddy it was time to head to the hospital. Contractions were now less than three minutes apart and lasting over a minute each time. <br />
<br />
When we arrived to the the hospital I was already 5 cm dialated. I was happy to be half way there. I was calm throughout most of my labor. With every contraction or pressure wave that came over my body I would try to relax and let my body flow into each wave, imagining that I was floating in a section of calm, warm and safe ocean water near sunset time. Your daddy prepared some relaxing music for me to listen to. He held my hand, massaged my back and as I felt my body want to tense he would remind me to think of the word 'peace' and let go of the pain. As the tension increased I would remind myself that every contraction led me closer to you, this gave me the strength to keep going. I imagined my uterus, the home that had kept you safe for nine months, like a flower petal opening up my cervix and gently but firmly pushing and guiding you out to life. <br />
<br />
I felt a bit of nostalgia knowing this would be last time to ever experience the beauty and miracle of child birth. So I was determined to be present in the moment, in tune to my body and all my senses. Child birth is very very very hard work, like climbing a mountain or running a marathon but the reward is so worth it. The emotional high, the journey and each child birth experience is one of the most exquisite, transcendental and beautiful moments in my life. It is hard to explain, if you have not experienced it before. Like trying to explain colors and shapes and/or natural elements to someone that has been blind from birth. So my son, just know that this is the place in my heart I was coming from as I birthed you. A place of peace and acceptance, a place of love, admiration and respect for the creator of life and majesty of birth. I was ready and eager to forever engrain into my heart and mind our story, this labor of love for you.<br />
<br />
By the time I hit transition 8-9 centimeters, things got really hard. I felt like a hit a breaking point. But I knew this was the hardest part. The relaxing thoughts seemed to no longer help me but I knew the finish line was close and it was soon time to push you out. I have to say, you were by far the hardest of all my babies to push out. I became tired and fatigued but knew you needed my help. I knew you were doing your best and also laboring from the inside out. It seems your shoulder had become stuck on the way down and that is why it was taking longer for you to be born. <br />
<br />
The doctor encouraged me to push and not give up. I could sense some urgency in her voice. I wanted your journey to be over, I wanted you in my arms, so from the the very depths of my soul, I gathered incredible raw power that finally brought you forth into this world. I felt your slippery, warm and wet little body emerge. I saw your beautiful little face. Your chubby cheeks. And your soulful eyes. I was so happy, ecstatic, content ... satisfied. Tears of joy followed. I got to hold you and hug you and love you. And I promise to never stop. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">Thanks to your Auntie's Eden and Isabel for being there and recording your birth journey. </div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-81451142269489745962011-05-16T08:44:00.000-07:002011-05-16T09:57:10.563-07:00Overdue ClubI am officially part of the overdue club. Today, I am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Seems like a lot to me, since I have 3 previous children and never made it to my due date. <br />
<br />
I was pretty sure this little guy would come early. Everybody around me seemed pretty sure as well. He has proved us very wrong. <br />
<br />
I was certain I was going into labor a few times already, all for the contractions to suddenly dwindle down and disappear. Last night was one of those times, I had contractions that woke me up at 2:30 a.m. coming every few minutes apart and then by 5: 30 a.m. they stopped. I was very disappointed. I feel like I will be pregnant <em>FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER!</em> <br />
<br />
I want to have a natural unmedicated childbirth like I did with my others. So I am really trying to avoid induction. I was at the OB office on May 12th, the day before my due date, and I ended up seeing a doc that wasn't my doc. She was a bit too pushy, wanting to strip my membranes and schedule and induction for the next day. I told her I was not ready. I wanted to give this baby at least some time to come naturally. She tried using various scare tactics which I did not appreciate. I left feeling pretty frustrated. After I left, I called and talked to a nurse, who then spoke to my doctor and agreed to let me go a week and half past my due date. I was glad he was more willing to work with me after the other doc made it seem like strict policy to induce around due date. I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to wait quite that long either but at least a few days to a week but only after checking baby was still doing well, with an ultrasound and/or NST test. I really wanted this baby to pick his birthday not have it picked for him. Hope you are listening baby!<br />
<br />
Tommorow afternoon, I have a follow-up appointment with <em>my</em> OB, although I really I hope this baby is born before then. I know every birth is different though so I will just have to wait and see.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">Below some random pics of the last few weeks. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-41929674637693962802011-05-09T10:59:00.000-07:002011-05-09T11:50:53.015-07:00spec.ta.cle<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;"><span style="font-size: large;">Spec.ta.cle - <em>noun</em></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span class="dnindex"><span style="color: #333333;"><span name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">1.</span> </span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">anything</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">presented</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> </span>the<span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">sight</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="cursor: default;">view,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">especially</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">something</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">striking</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">impressive</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">kind:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">The</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">stars</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">make</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">fine</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">spectacle</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">tonight.</span> </em></span></span><br />
<div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">2.</span> </span></span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">public</span> </span>show<span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">display,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">especially</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">on</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">large</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">scale:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword">The</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">coronation</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">was</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="background-color: transparent; cursor: default;">lavish</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">spectacle.</span> </em></span></span><br />
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<span class="ital-inline">So this is how I told my dear hubby I was feeling yesterday ~ like a spectacle. Everywhere I go I can see through the corner of my eye people looking at me. Analyzing me. Whispering about me. What I imagine them saying is "Wow, that is one big belly!" or "Shouldn't she be in the hospital already?" or possibly "Are those twins or triplets in there?" Gabe even told me he saw some guy just staring at my belly button as I passed by. ..... sigh .... geesh ...</span></div><div class="luna-Ent"><br />
<span class="ital-inline">I don't look at anybody directly as I'm walking by for fear I may answer their unasked questions. I just go about my business happily smiling away seemingly oblivious to their stares and comments. Some people of course actually speak their mind, like the lady at Target yesterday that said "Wow that is the biggest belly I have ever seen, you should be very proud and takes lot's of pictures!" So I laughed and wondered if my belly is really the biggest belly ever. I mean, I'm four days shy of my due date, pregnant with my 4th child and my babies are usually on the bigger side. So I find it to be understandable my belly looking this big at this stage of the game. I almost feel like wearing a sign or thought of just staying secluded at home until my babies birthday.</span><br />
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<span class="ital-inline">But besides feeling like a specatacle I am feeling pretty great. I saw a friend/waiter of mine at Olive Garden yesterday that said I had a nice pep in my step and looked like I was feeling great. Which is true, I felt more tired weeks ago. I think I'm just excited to finally know the time is just so close. I keep thinking how the dynamics of our family will change, how we will go from being a family of 5 to a family of 6! I get a little sad when I think of Alexa not being the baby any more but happy when I think of how excited and proud she will be to be a big sister. Happy that my son will finally get to have a brother. And just overall joy to finally get to hold and meet our new baby boy! </span><br />
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<span class="ital-inline"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;">For now behold - the biggest belly in the world!:</span></span></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="ital-inline"> {pics taken with cell close to sundown so not best quality}</span><br />
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</div><div class="luna-Ent"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3YAORQXU2hrq6gb9lxONAi952hwkpG00uTiNfUx9tdDmGgkIwMwlN7XHKaKDbYB6ZRT37ijJRV1wyT4gzjp9D6DYXXPNn30rZtgTIDL-3Djp-bbj7ToeJyY65gwSOqFrQ02dwko1mLxE/s1600/2011-05-08_19-25-27_169.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3YAORQXU2hrq6gb9lxONAi952hwkpG00uTiNfUx9tdDmGgkIwMwlN7XHKaKDbYB6ZRT37ijJRV1wyT4gzjp9D6DYXXPNn30rZtgTIDL-3Djp-bbj7ToeJyY65gwSOqFrQ02dwko1mLxE/s400/2011-05-08_19-25-27_169.jpg" width="265" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: magenta;"><em>with my babies</em></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2iIsgirZKAEwfdp1E0iAS0Z7IumO1WD8CqLJtq3OIrDTBUDRtiSR31iVUYeyNlmk8dZlEgga0M08K930Nt9Aa8GMAPzA2N7zTsWANuiR_lfhoIDJhHfPudqXuiZeZr3LTlUJv7SNV1I/s1600/2011-05-08_19-30-10_292.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2iIsgirZKAEwfdp1E0iAS0Z7IumO1WD8CqLJtq3OIrDTBUDRtiSR31iVUYeyNlmk8dZlEgga0M08K930Nt9Aa8GMAPzA2N7zTsWANuiR_lfhoIDJhHfPudqXuiZeZr3LTlUJv7SNV1I/s400/2011-05-08_19-30-10_292.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><div class="luna-Ent"><span class="ital-inline"> </span></div><div align="center" class="luna-Ent"><span class="ital-inline"><em><span style="color: magenta;">my honey and me</span></em></span></div><div class="luna-Ent"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheym_0U1TDRiJevzI6GaQxneOgkCO-At2IfbVG64cYZzCqW8c7LDgnac1uY4o4lzJ4o6jlerrTiGuVf0rIJrHPC7RJspph28xRtz6q9lfX02XUWjlLBNMr3rU4QDBFVNaxIajTmihCCfc/s400/2011-05-08_19-26-35_929.jpg" width="285" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="background-color: white; color: magenta;">my loves</span></em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: magenta;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">EDIT: So my wonderful sister Eden just called to tell me she read my post and that I am huge. Thank you sis! But of course she has no children of her own yet ... ;)</span></span></div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-67396246106034537432011-04-22T10:42:00.000-07:002011-04-22T12:53:19.789-07:00Babymooniversary!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBk_wrxYl8rBPdUnth-k2QmTDgOCNXyI38ZPQg03TfywVmOhzl_H8bZwL7m6ctI72fOeI8Pw8eY2MqnJUPFBYs0gqSGlaVCdOfVbv_thrCOhD1af2_a4Dc2DKGgWczJql5jNb0HrbrFMw/s1600/IMG_7413+37weeks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBk_wrxYl8rBPdUnth-k2QmTDgOCNXyI38ZPQg03TfywVmOhzl_H8bZwL7m6ctI72fOeI8Pw8eY2MqnJUPFBYs0gqSGlaVCdOfVbv_thrCOhD1af2_a4Dc2DKGgWczJql5jNb0HrbrFMw/s320/IMG_7413+37weeks.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Okay, so this is me about ready to pop! My 4th pregnancy and 37 weeks today! According to Babycenter - that is considered full term! My actual due date is May 13th. My three previous pregnancies I delivered at about 39 weeks. I've been fortunate I haven't had to go past my due date. I'm hoping this baby is about the same, if he wants to come at 38 weeks that will be okay by me, just hope he doesn't decide to be the first to go <em>past</em> my due date. I am already feeling ever so tired, swollen, achy and heavy and looking forward to feeling 'light' once again. The pregnancy has gone by pretty fast, which I guess is normal when you have 3 other kids your looking after. We've had two great baby shower's and I just recently finished the nursery that Alexa and this new little one will be sharing. I am also almost done packing our hospital bag. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo87v5k6PsvFEQ0JReBWzlbKaZWVpU83Eh7CNYDY5ot2waKhTApevMAHB44Zlc3FGzTvA5MKUf9-dd-RvXYawZ837dRctqBP86x5AWL_dqMNMkcCbz0MfdU0xyKU-_A5-UciMB2Ze7mQM/s1600/wedding5x7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo87v5k6PsvFEQ0JReBWzlbKaZWVpU83Eh7CNYDY5ot2waKhTApevMAHB44Zlc3FGzTvA5MKUf9-dd-RvXYawZ837dRctqBP86x5AWL_dqMNMkcCbz0MfdU0xyKU-_A5-UciMB2Ze7mQM/s320/wedding5x7.jpg" width="228" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">On another note, yesterday, April 21, was our: </span></span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">10 YEAR Wedding Anniversary!</span> </span></span></span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #444444;">We cannot believe how fast time has gone by. I remember when I was getting married I didn't comprehend how you could love the person you were marrying anymore than you did on that day {as you were obviously so in love!} but now I clearly understand it. That is just the beginning and as time passes and you make new memories, you have children, you share in each other's lives, you see the other persons love in action, you share good times and bad times, you just fall more and more in love with that person everyday. That is how I feel about my hubby. I have seen him become a wonderful husband, father and even better person. I am proud to be his wife. He is what a true man should be. And I am ever grateful and thankful to have him in my life, now and forever.</span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Okay, so after making myself cry ... sniff ... last year we had said we would be doing something special for our ten year anniversary because we had never left our kids to go anywhere in 10 years {except hospital stays}! In the last year, our older kids have had a couple impromptu sleep overs at cousins or grandmas house but we have always still had Alexa, hence we never did any going out. We had agreed for our ten year anniversary and now that Alexa could communicate her needs well and doing well health wise, it was time for us to ~ GASP! ~ have a vacation by ourselves! But as you remember in the beginning of this blog post - we are having a baby like in 2 weeks, lol! At that time, we didn't realize this would be the case. I can hardly walk anymore, I mostly waddle, I am so swollen I can hardly bend, I almost fell over like light post the other day and I can't even celebrate with a nice glass of wine or margarita! I sound like no fun but thankfully my hubby is still willing to take me on a 'babymooniversary'! Baby Moon's are all the rage for first time parents wanting one last hurrah before baby comes, which is what were trying to do {except with 3 kids at home} and a 10 year anniversary celebration.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">So we rented ourselves a nice hotel suite! I am so looking forward to just being in the pool {floating} so I can't feel my weight lol! and just resting by the pool, some quiet romantic dinners, uninterrupted conversation with my love, sleeping in and well ... maybe even getting this labor party started. =)</span>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-84265232038858217432011-04-19T10:56:00.000-07:002011-04-22T11:08:06.970-07:00Cardiology Update ~ So happy!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTzGprr0EufDNkR1NXMpVgapGzOJO_gU9QzAwh3eB7KqcgDEy2Zx67QC_Y086Q6ZiDRXl5Iw7KNbkcFMvSEuMfQ2OAao0gaXN5mALcBzZrE93gNnLy1Dy-ND-vh3cQVtJ0DGGuKCj35TQ/s1600/IMG_7301.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTzGprr0EufDNkR1NXMpVgapGzOJO_gU9QzAwh3eB7KqcgDEy2Zx67QC_Y086Q6ZiDRXl5Iw7KNbkcFMvSEuMfQ2OAao0gaXN5mALcBzZrE93gNnLy1Dy-ND-vh3cQVtJ0DGGuKCj35TQ/s400/IMG_7301.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br />
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On Monday, April 18th (yesterday) I took Alexa to her cardiology check up. Considering I am very close to giving birth (almost 37 weeks) I was really hoping for good news. Good news to me means at least the same as last visit and no change to a negative side. <br />
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Normally it takes us about 20 minutes to get to her clinic. Yesterday, it took us ONE AND HALF HOURS! We along with half of Phoenix were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic because of a freeway closure (man threatenting to jump off the overpass). I knew about the freeway closure in advance so left an hour and 15 minutes early and I was still late by 15 minutes. I just really wanted to make it to her appointment. I needed to know how things were going before this baby is born.<br />
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Alexa now weighs 31.9 ounces and is 35.7 inches tall! She did awesome during her echo, she was completely still. She was enjoying watching one her favorite movies ~ Toy Story 3 and sucking on a lolly pop. The tech was very impressed by how well she did through out the echo. <br />
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Dr. P was in shock to see how big she has gotten. And he had such good news to report! He told me Alexa's pulmonary pressure gradient actually read LOWER than at the previous visit 6 months ago!!! Last time it was 30 this time it was 25. He said it could be possibly mean it was really the same number, that maybe she was just 'stiller' this time for the echo, but I remember last time she did really great too, just laying still. So either way, if we say it's lower it's fantastic if it's the same it's still fantastic!!! He said that her left ventricle is working STELLAR! All her heart function is great! <br />
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I only learned about one new tidbit of info - which is that she has a very tiny mitral valve leak. He said he suspects it is nothing wrong with valve leaflets themselves but instead explained that do the location of her pacer lead as the ventricle receives the signal to contract one side is receiving the signal like a mili second sooner and so the "leaflet doors" are just closing a little off of each other like one before another so allowing a tiny bit of regurgitation. He said this is not a problem and does not expect it to become one. He said I probably have more regurgitation now because of the excess blood volume during pregnancy than she has going on right now. <br />
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So then he went on to check her pacemaker function. Said he could tell she is a very active little girl! =) He said also everything looked good and discovered that she once again has AN UNDERLYING HEATBEAT OF HER OWN!!!! He was very surprised it came back and double checked it to be sure and it was true! Her heart is now able to beat on it's own at least 51 beats per minute. This of course is slow but it is MUCH MUCH better than nothing!!! <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I was so grateful, so happy, so relieved! I didn't really think I could expect a visit with better than 'just the same' results but yesterday's visit proved me wrong - things can get better!!!! So we got another six months in the clear with a 3 month pacer check call in. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7cfid1uHDzrNNwpcW6jdSIumyJmP1h1GOl_Z-zP1L_U0CCgOv7wiraZmhiNqgyi9b0TjTsb5fxQMMVFxxssc7h_f4cjyXc084Sfdj-L3MlJXJC6z2JT7AHgd3V9BKcpgHdwxG0He5MvY/s1600/IMG_7310.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7cfid1uHDzrNNwpcW6jdSIumyJmP1h1GOl_Z-zP1L_U0CCgOv7wiraZmhiNqgyi9b0TjTsb5fxQMMVFxxssc7h_f4cjyXc084Sfdj-L3MlJXJC6z2JT7AHgd3V9BKcpgHdwxG0He5MvY/s640/IMG_7310.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-33196318287473546872011-03-20T15:06:00.000-07:002011-03-20T15:12:13.195-07:00Our Sweet Heart Party PicsJust wanted to update the blog with some pics from our Sweet Heart Party. Again, this was done in honor of Alexa's one year OHS anniversary and also in appreciation of the many friends and family that helped us during that time. It is something I had in my set in my heart do to and glad it came true. =) <br />
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So here are some pics fo the day:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGoeo5VQajuSPqAYmH35Pow5DjoTcKZC_vT2HH9lKGOam9je43u1WB_JhR4KRfIke2FE08shZACsEJ8FgYyPeEhyiyNWQQzHp-PzLVm-dnyTP8CWYsP3-O6cV4SM2GEubPx1zwscSYLAE/s1600/IMG_7084.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGoeo5VQajuSPqAYmH35Pow5DjoTcKZC_vT2HH9lKGOam9je43u1WB_JhR4KRfIke2FE08shZACsEJ8FgYyPeEhyiyNWQQzHp-PzLVm-dnyTP8CWYsP3-O6cV4SM2GEubPx1zwscSYLAE/s400/IMG_7084.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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</div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-14516708555386247412011-02-23T15:23:00.000-08:002011-02-23T21:55:34.888-08:00One Year Ago Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A year ago today, on February 23rd, 2010, we handed over our precious daughter Alexa to endure a nine hour open heart surgery. The doctor described this hurdle in her life as trying to cross through the Grand Canyon. It was a complex surgery, a risky surgery and a much needed surgery. In the weeks and days leading up to the surgery many tears were shed. And many many conversations with God exchanged. </div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi_tCeyuenXiFvsS8CQWp0eFfsmozSkbZQORlnTSNT8uvZNcNkABlRo3x31uzx0qcDAJN0H4t5fLsp1cS-tSMzxX_0_rCg0IQiCevAIPrpJv9Lx5uuGjWSpEooqmjZaNS8g3iZNaoJTL0/s1600/IMG_5221.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi_tCeyuenXiFvsS8CQWp0eFfsmozSkbZQORlnTSNT8uvZNcNkABlRo3x31uzx0qcDAJN0H4t5fLsp1cS-tSMzxX_0_rCg0IQiCevAIPrpJv9Lx5uuGjWSpEooqmjZaNS8g3iZNaoJTL0/s400/IMG_5221.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Our Warrior Princess ~ Rastelli Surgery ~ Feb. 23, 2010 <br />
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</div>Driving her to the hospital the day before surgery for all the preop testing was painful. As she looked at me with her beautiful sweet eyes filled with pure trust, love and innocence, I couldn't help but feel like we were betraying her. My heart silently shattered into a gazillion little pieces. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgjcS9gdRx2CgXMEwMre2XeQLrtT339zZZijlK2upDbfrwgIUhxvvquX_tiTVmJOTgKSuIzZL8S7qfuZNRXopfSlXfgsFi9v0cEw9BUPtDCVGjVSmeQtnHlV9idx42VwsTk4afJ4dkvv4/s1600/IMG_5188.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgjcS9gdRx2CgXMEwMre2XeQLrtT339zZZijlK2upDbfrwgIUhxvvquX_tiTVmJOTgKSuIzZL8S7qfuZNRXopfSlXfgsFi9v0cEw9BUPtDCVGjVSmeQtnHlV9idx42VwsTk4afJ4dkvv4/s400/IMG_5188.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div align="center">Driving to the hospital ~ look at that sweet face! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>On the morning of the surgery, we were at the hospital bright and early. All the papers were signed, all the testing was done, all that was left was to get her in her hospital cap and gown and to hand her over. We were greeted by the surgeon and anesthesiologist with warm smile and of them holding a hot cup of Joe in their hand. We found out they had been up all night doing an emergency operation on another child. My nerves were raised even further knowing they had not had a fulls night rest and yet my daughter's life lay in their hands. The Child Life Specialist was there to give Alexa some fun toys to distract her from the hospital commotion. She smiled but clung to me with a dreary apprehension of the events unfolding. She knew something was up. My husband and I tried to remain composed. We took some last minute pictures. We smiled on the outside but were truly slowly dieing on the inside. They brought her over some 'happy medicine' to make her feel calm and cozy. The anesthesiologist warned us that as soon as the medication started taking effect he would then quickly and swiftly take her away ~ no prolonged goodbye's would be possible. After about 5-10 minutes we could see she was relaxing and had this big happy silly grin on her face. Seeing her like this made us smile through our tears. And so just like that, the anesthesiologist showed up, she was out of arms, out of her presence and protection. Letting go was <span style="color: red;">THE HARDEST THING</span> we ever had to do. The nurses rolled the curtain to give us some privacy and my husband and I just held each other and cried.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBPQ9vL8cQ5fPl0ysw0nHN1v8CD7uHD20UxGhugi5eqjju8s7-5I5QasVcV7rDNo-K5IgxnzGDjENYNxyahX7l-TSDHAs2Z392qR5TzelLAnYimxnYMoNyhHFgfOHEDjeTedNlZlQ6wSE/s1600/IMG_5206.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBPQ9vL8cQ5fPl0ysw0nHN1v8CD7uHD20UxGhugi5eqjju8s7-5I5QasVcV7rDNo-K5IgxnzGDjENYNxyahX7l-TSDHAs2Z392qR5TzelLAnYimxnYMoNyhHFgfOHEDjeTedNlZlQ6wSE/s400/IMG_5206.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Right before surgery, can you tell she is worried ... poor baby girl. </div><br />
It was for sure and without a doubt the longest day of our life. The hardest day of our life. And this all happened one year ago today. We are <span style="color: magenta;">SO THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL</span> to God, to Alexa, to her surgeon, doctors, nurses, our other children, family, friends and other heart families that helped us get over this great hurdle. This Saturday, we will be hosting a Sweetheart Party in our home in honor of how far Alexa has come and in heartfelt appreciation to at least some of the family and friends that helped us through. I'm excited to see how it all turn's out. It will be a dessert party filled with yummy sweets for all the sweethearts that surround us!<br />
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One year later, February 23, 2011 ... <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Alexa, today</div><br />
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<div align="center">jumping on the trampoline {her new favorite thing}</div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">to her heart's content ... and mine! </div>Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2703998645136120276.post-34938142902176570442011-02-10T00:26:00.000-08:002015-04-19T22:45:18.506-07:00Ramblings On Turning 35 and Being Pregnant with Baby #4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhwr_UMe85sG3RTkNIz-zkWtWHe5YefBJ4FT5HdzVrrJWdzpblfjNOjEOYXUnIjKVy_Amkd_ZthUdoAb-6gF2XCpDABBg36Oz8opEp_KxfAKwqCRTQqeWefXq7NMnJKZSe2cRNdk04i6w/s1600/IMG_6742+us.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhwr_UMe85sG3RTkNIz-zkWtWHe5YefBJ4FT5HdzVrrJWdzpblfjNOjEOYXUnIjKVy_Amkd_ZthUdoAb-6gF2XCpDABBg36Oz8opEp_KxfAKwqCRTQqeWefXq7NMnJKZSe2cRNdk04i6w/s400/IMG_6742+us.jpg" h5="true" height="285" width="400" /></a></div>
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[In this pic ~ four months pregnant with fourth baby]</div>
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I'm so tired but I can't sleep. My hips and back ache. Every time I go to the store I end up really sore, I think it's a combination of all the walking, pushing the cart, lifting Alexa and bags and loading and unloading car that really does my body in. The past two weeks have been hard because the kids have been sick. First Yasmin, then Caleb, then Yasmin again and then Alexa. We've had many sleepless nights and yet I know it's only preparation for the many sleepless nights to come. <br />
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As I lay in my bed tonight I couldn't help but think about me turning 35 today {as you read this now yesterday}. I don't celebrate birthdays, however this does not mean that I am not grateful to be alive another year and that I do not reflect or ponder on my life so far and what the future may bring. I was totally okay with turning 30, I thought it was great! I'm also okay with 35 but since I'm pregnant, I have to admit I feel a little old. <br />
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I had my first baby at 25 so I can't believe almost 10 years later {my son is 9} here I am, starting all over again. I/we never planned on having four children. I never thought **I** would have four children. The ironic thing is that both hubby and I come from a family with four kids, so I wonder if subconsciously this may have affected us. For sure we knew we wanted two and then two seemed like too little and just too perfect, you know with one boy and one girl. We wanted to shake things up a little and bring an extra little piece of joy and happiness into our life and so we tried for #3. Even before learning about Lexi's heart troubles I had decided that three was enough for me and especially after learning about Lexi's heart I thought three kids was enough for me. With my older kids I bought a lot of neutral colored baby items so I could use them with both but with Alexa I bought everything girly because I was going to spoil her as she would be my last baby {or so I thought}. We sold/gave away all of our baby items except the crib {she still uses this sometimes as a toddler bed}. And I told hubby I was ready to embrace the next phase in our lives, just enjoying being with our kids and watching them grow up. He agreed although I always felt like he still had a longing for another child. But I was firm and very committed to my decision and my "no, we are done" speech.<br />
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Then, for some crazy, strange, I don't understand what happened to me moment in time, **I** started craving another baby, longing to pregnant again, having a newborn again. It was CRAZY. I was going CRAZY with all my conflicting emotions. It seemed like everyone was pregnant all around me and I could think of was that I was going to turn 35 next year and my time was running out. I did not want to have a baby past 35. But did I really, <em>really </em>want another baby? Was it really a good decision for our family? Could I handle, if my new baby was born with CHD or some other health concern? I felt fit, strong and pretty again after losing those last ten stubborn pounds. Did I really want to put my body through another pregnancy? Could I care for all my children's physical, emotional and spiritual needs? Lot's and lot's of heavy questions. The truth is I knew things would be easier for me/us if we didn't have another baby but I couldn't shake the feeling. I tried. I prayed. I stayed busy. But this burning desire inside of me was very strong and urgent. I felt like my time was quickly running out, like I could see the last few grains of sand from the hourglass of my child bearing years coming to an end and this chapter of my life would soon be closed forever. <br />
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Sometimes I wonder if I felt that way because I missed out on Alexa's newborn phase, with her being in the hospital one whole month and all the busyness and worry that came with caring for her those first few months. Of course I enjoyed and cherished every single moment I spent with her, maybe even more so because of everything she went through, but I also spent a lot of the time in worry. Or maybe, my crazy thought had nothing to do with this whatsoever. Maybe it was just a crazy thought or maybe it was meant to be all along.<br />
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Either way and no matter what, it is done. I am pregnant with our fourth child. All it took was one time of not 'not trying to get pregnant' and that was it. There was no turning back the hands of time. We both waited two agonizing weeks to find it out if our lives would be completely changed or if we could go on as normal. If it didn't happen, I did not want to 'try' again. I did not want to be pregnant another Arizona summer or past 35 so that would be it. No more chances. Case closed. And I would be ready to move on. <br />
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A first negative test brought a about a twinge of sadness and grieving over what might have been but at the same time a sigh of relief over my 'what was I thinking ~ possible temporary insanity phase'. I know my hubby was taken very much by surprise by my sudden change of heart of adding to our family but I felt like he was secretly happy about it. We both shared the same concerns and knew our family would think we were crazy. But the truth was a small part of us was not ready to kiss the baby years away. Our older children had grown up so quickly, so we had a longing to experience all those wonderful baby moments again, one last time. Plus, we enjoyed watching our two older children grow up together since they were only two years apart and so we wanted a sibling for Alexa to also grow up with. <br />
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A few days after our negative pregnancy results we received a positive pregnancy result and then another positive on top of another positive to be positive. I couldn't believe it! We were both in shock but happy. Shock because we originally thought it hadn't happened and then shocked that it seriously just took one time of 'not ~ not trying' and that was it. I know biology and how stuff works but it seemed so black and white, no time to second guess ourselves, no second chances. That was it - we had forever altered our family dynamic. We were excited of the new adventure that awaited us, yet fully aware of the responsibility that came with caring for another child. We technically never planned to have another baby but this baby was definitely invited into our family and we are glad he accepted the invitation!<br />
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So here we are today, almost seven months into my pregnancy and we joyfully anticipate the arrival of our new baby boy! I already love him but as I feel him kick and move around in my womb, I can hardly wait to meet him, smell him, hold him and kiss his little cheeks and feet and fall head over heels in love with the baby I never knew I always wanted!Michellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05749553610371407608noreply@blogger.com1