My Darling Luke {One Year Old}

My baby boy turned one year old on May 18th.  Yes, it has been over month now but I still wanted to share some pics and some thoughts.

My dear little Luke, 

I can hardly believe you are now ONE year old.  The day you were born is still fresh in my mind.  I feel like this past year was a blur and I'm really not sure how it happened.  One minute I'm cradling you in my arms, you sucking at my breast and the next you are big boy running around, laughing, eager to explore the world around you.  You started walking a few weeks before you turned 1.  You now have 8 teeth and I'm sure the molars are coming soon.  You LOVE to be outside.  You marvel at the leaves moving on the trees, at the birds flying over the sky, you shriek with excitment when our big clumsy dog gets near you.  You love going for walks both in and out of your stroller.  You are down to one nap a day, unless we are driving around town, during which you take car naps.  I love the way you call me mama, sometimes with a sweet voice of mama please I need a hug and sometimes with a loud grunting yell of mama get over here NOW and rescue me.  You love playing with your brothers and sisters and they love you so very much.  When we go shopping, I love the way you lean into hug and hold me and have me hug and hold you while you are in the shopping cart, I have to say it makes my shopping experience so much more delightful.  You have already been to beach, Disneyland, the snow, to a cabin in the mountains twice, once in winter once in summer.   You are a great baby/toddler.  You have grown so much and although a part of me is really sad that your first year went by so very fast, I am also savoring every moment I watch you grow and develop.   I am so happy that you are my son and that you came to bless our family with your presence.  I love you with all my heart. 

Love always and forever, 

mommy  

Good Night Baby Ezequiel

I can't sleep.  Can't stop crying.  Can't stop thinking about baby Ezequiel and his family.  Today I went to his funeral.  He was only 5 days young when he passed away.  A very complex CHD claimed his beautiful and innocent life.  Today I hugged and cried with his parents. Today, I hugged and cried with his aunt, my dear friend who also happens to be a CHD survivor herself (related by marriage so CHD does not run in the family).  I want to do so much for them.  I hurt knowing how much a mothers arms and heart aches for newborn baby, to hear his cries and to breath in his newborn scent. I hurt knowing her breasts are still filled with the milk her baby should be nourishing himself with and finding comfort in his mothers bosom.  My heart is heavy and my mind filled with many thoughts.  There is too much to say but the most important thing, is please keep this family in your prayers. They have lost their precious son, still have other children to attend and need to find the strength to go on.

Good night baby Ezequiel.  I'm so sorry.  Until we meet in a better place.  xoxo