Just 35 more days

Amazing , that it's been a wonderful almost three years since my last blog post!  We have been busy living our lives and are so thankful that Alexa has been doing so remarkably well!  It's been over 5 years since her last surgery.  

Looking back we had the opportunity to go on many family trips, that included trips to the beach, Legoland, SeaWorld, to San Francisco, the Monterrey Bay Aquarium, Santa Cruz boardwalk, to see the magestic California Redwood Forrest, to the Grand Canyon, Dallas, Austin and San Antonio, Texas and to Mexico and we made many many truly wonderful memories along the way.  Alexa is nearly done with her first year of school as a kinder gardener. She has learned so much and enjoyed the process.  She now knows how to read, how to add and subtract, and many delightful things about about our world. What she is probably most proud of though beside reading is learning how to snap her fingers, how to whistle and how to skate, those all took some extra practice and persistence.  She had a very fun and memorable graduations party and has lost and gained many new teeth in the last the few years.  She has grown to be a beautiful, inquisitive, silly, funny, happy, intelligent, caring, loving, and compassionate young lady.  Watching Alexa and each of my children grow is like watching in awe the blossoming petals of a sweet beautiful rose.  And for each day with them I am forever grateful.

My heart is full and yet it aches from the knowledge that in just 35 short days, it will be time for us to hand her over our precious child and watch her be wheeled away for the 4th time for open heart surgery.   Really it is more than any child or parent should ever have to bare.

This time it is different though because not only must I deal with my own emotions, which are all over the place right now but for the first time I really need to help her cope with hers.  It will be the first time she will truly know and possibly remember this event in her life.  And I am going to do my best to lower the harsh bitterness of it all and turn it into the most positive experience it could be.

Mean time, as I watch her play happily with her little brother, oblivious to the struggle that awaits her I can't help but feel like a traitor to her and my motherly instinct.  Motherhood is suppose to be about love, devotion and protection of your children and yet this (CHD) makes you go against that basic instinct.  Instead of fleeing far away from the danger you must confront it, look it straight in the eye and walk towards it.  You must face it with courage, faith and pure, raw and unembellished LOVE.  

I hate walking this road but know that we are not alone and have received many blessings along the way.  I am thankful for all the support and prayers of family and friends as we travel this path.