May 26, 2011


Welcome to the world my sweet boy!

Dear Little Luke,

You were born on Wednesday, May 18th, 2011 at 7:49 in the morning.  You arrived on your own time without any inductions or prodding.  You were five days overdue but I had faith you would come when ready.  The only thing I did to encourage you was walk. The last few days of my pregnancy I  took several walks around the lake by our house in the early morning and evening hours.  I could see all the new family of ducks with their tiny ducklings and smiled as I thought of waiting for a duckling of my own.  They were quiet and peaceful walks as I contemplated our new life with you.

I went to one last OB visit on Tuesday afternoon and pretty much after leaving the office I began having regular contractions.  I stopped by at the grocery store to pick up something for dinner.  I was anxious and excited, wondering if these contractions would turn into true labor or just some more false alarms.  Your Nana and Tata were home with your brother and sisters.  Your daddy had to work late this night, something he almost never has to do and I was actually pretty worried he would be too tired to help me through labor if it turned out to be so.  He got home about 9 p.m. and I asked him to download a phone app I had heard about that would allow me to keep track of the contractions.

Before heading for bed, your brother and sister were so excited at the prospect of possibly meeting you soon. Actually, the whole family was ardently anticipating your arrival.  I tried to rest but could not.  After several hours it was obvious this was it.  I was in true labor.  By about 3 a.m. Wednesday, I told daddy it was time to head to the hospital.  Contractions were now less than three minutes apart and lasting over a minute each time. 

When we arrived to the the hospital I was already 5 cm dialated.  I was happy to be half way there.  I was calm throughout most of my labor.  With every contraction or pressure wave that came over my body I would try to relax and let my body flow into each wave, imagining that I was floating in a section of calm, warm and safe ocean water near sunset time.  Your daddy prepared some relaxing music for me to listen to.  He held my hand, massaged my back and as I felt my body want to tense he would remind me to think of the word 'peace' and let go of the pain.  As the tension increased I would remind myself that every contraction led me closer to you, this gave me the strength to keep going.  I imagined my uterus, the home that had kept you safe for nine months, like a flower petal opening up my cervix and gently but firmly pushing and guiding you out to life. 

I felt a bit of nostalgia knowing this would be last time to ever experience the beauty and miracle of child birth.  So I was determined to be present in the moment, in tune to my body and all my senses.  Child birth is very very very hard work, like climbing a mountain or running a marathon but the reward is so worth it.  The emotional high, the journey and each child birth experience is one of the most exquisite, transcendental and beautiful moments in my life.  It is hard to explain, if you have not experienced it before.  Like trying to explain colors and shapes and/or natural elements to someone that has been blind from birth.   So my son, just know that this is the place in my heart I was coming from as I birthed you.  A place of peace and acceptance, a place of love, admiration and respect for the creator of life and majesty of birth.  I was ready and eager to forever engrain into my heart and mind our story, this labor of love for you.

By the time I hit transition 8-9 centimeters, things got really hard.  I felt like a hit a breaking point.  But I knew this was the hardest part.  The relaxing thoughts seemed to no longer help me but I knew the finish line was close and it was soon time to push you out.  I have to say, you were by far the hardest of all my babies to push out.  I became tired and fatigued but knew you needed my help. I knew you were doing your best and also laboring from the inside out.  It seems your shoulder had become stuck on the way down and that is why it was taking longer for you to be born. 

The doctor encouraged me to push and not give up.  I could sense some urgency in her voice.  I wanted your journey to be over, I wanted you in my arms, so from the the very depths of my soul, I gathered incredible raw power that finally brought you forth into this world.  I felt your slippery, warm and wet little body emerge.  I saw your beautiful little face.  Your chubby cheeks.  And your soulful eyes.  I was so happy, ecstatic, content ... satisfied.  Tears of joy followed.  I got to hold you and hug you and love you.  And I promise to never stop.  

Thanks to your Auntie's Eden and Isabel for being there and recording your birth journey. 

May 16, 2011

Overdue Club

I am officially part of the overdue club.  Today, I am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  Seems like a lot to me, since I have 3 previous children and never made it to my due date. 

I was pretty sure this little guy would come early.  Everybody around me seemed pretty sure as well.  He has proved us very wrong. 

I was certain I was going into labor a few times already, all for the contractions to suddenly dwindle down and disappear.  Last night was one of those times, I had contractions that woke me up at 2:30 a.m. coming every few minutes apart and then by 5: 30 a.m. they stopped.  I was very disappointed.  I feel like I will be pregnant FOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER!

I want to have a natural unmedicated childbirth like I did with my others.  So I am really trying to avoid induction.  I was at the OB office on May 12th, the day before my due date, and I ended up seeing a doc that wasn't my doc.  She was a bit too pushy, wanting to strip my membranes and schedule and induction for the next day.  I told her I was not ready.  I wanted to give this baby at least some time to come naturally.  She tried using various scare tactics which I did not appreciate.  I left feeling pretty frustrated.  After I left, I called and talked to a nurse, who then spoke to my doctor and agreed to let me go a week and half past my due date.  I was glad he was more willing to work with me after the other doc made it seem like strict policy to induce around due date.  I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to wait quite that long either but at least a few days to a week but only after checking baby was still doing well, with an ultrasound and/or NST test.  I really wanted this baby to pick his birthday not have it picked for him.  Hope you are listening baby!

Tommorow afternoon, I have a follow-up appointment with my OB, although I really I hope this baby is born before then.   I know every birth is different though so I will just have to wait and see.

Below some random pics of the last few weeks.

May 9, 2011


Spec.ta.cle - noun

1.  anything presented to the sight or view, especially something of a striking or impressive kind: The stars make a fine spectacle tonight.
2. a public show or display, especially on a large scale: The coronation was a lavish spectacle.

So this is how I told my dear hubby I was feeling yesterday ~ like a spectacle.  Everywhere I go I can see through the corner of my eye people looking at me.  Analyzing me.  Whispering about me.  What I imagine them saying is "Wow, that is one big belly!" or "Shouldn't she be in the hospital already?"  or possibly "Are those twins or triplets in there?"  Gabe even told me he saw some guy just staring at my belly button as I passed by.  ..... sigh .... geesh ...

I don't look at anybody directly as I'm walking by for fear I may answer their unasked questions.  I just go about my business happily smiling away seemingly oblivious to their stares and comments.   Some people of course actually speak their mind, like the lady at Target yesterday that said "Wow that is the biggest belly I have ever seen, you should be very proud and takes lot's of pictures!"  So I laughed and wondered if my belly is really the biggest belly ever.  I mean, I'm four days shy of my due date, pregnant with my 4th child and my babies are usually on the bigger side.  So I find it to be understandable my belly looking this big at this stage of the game.  I almost feel like wearing a sign or thought of just staying secluded at home until my babies birthday.

But besides feeling like a specatacle I am feeling pretty great.  I saw a friend/waiter of mine at Olive Garden yesterday that said I had a nice pep in my step and looked like I was feeling great.  Which is true,  I felt more tired weeks ago.  I think I'm just excited to finally know the time is just so close.  I keep thinking how the dynamics of our family will change, how we will go from being a family of 5 to a family of 6!  I get a little sad when I think of Alexa not being the baby any more but happy when I  think of how excited and proud she will be to be a big sister.  Happy that my son will finally get to have a brother.  And just overall joy to finally get to hold and meet our new baby boy! 

For now behold - the biggest belly in the world!:
 {pics taken with cell close to sundown so not best quality}

with my babies
my honey and me

my loves

EDIT:  So my wonderful sister Eden just called to tell me she read my post and that I am huge.  Thank you sis!  But of course she has no children of her own yet ... ;)

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